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Church Bloopers October 04 2004

>
> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
> appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
>
> Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary
> Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
>
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.”
>
> The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon
> tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
>
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>
> Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of
> those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your
> husbands.
>
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone
> who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about
you.
>
> Don’t let worry kill you — let the Church help.
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving
> obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
> For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a
> nursery downstairs.
>
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
> help they can get.
>
> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
> transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes
> of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing:
> “Break Forth Into Joy.”
>
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> church.
So
> ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> Music
will
> follow.
>
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is
> Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> Recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person you want remembered.
>
> Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
> lunch.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
> and gracious hostility.
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
> may
be
> seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
> are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend
> him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
> the back door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the
> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
> this
tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign
> slogan last
> Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”

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